pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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