Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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