Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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