Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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