So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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