3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize