Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
