my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
