new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
