Welp...herpes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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