Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
