I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
