I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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