Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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