I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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