I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
