you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
