Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize