I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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