i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize