I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
