im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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