Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Boobs are out for the taking
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
