I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
