Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
