I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize