I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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