Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
