I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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