it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
