last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
