we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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