went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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