He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
