a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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