i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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