I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
