Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this hospital has no fireball
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
