He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
