So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
