cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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