Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
