Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
