there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
