I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
