you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
