No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just pee around me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize