He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
