Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
