Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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