Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
