remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
