So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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