I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
