I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
