On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
