it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
