Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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