Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
