There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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