I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
