just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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