Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
