he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
