Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
