So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
