and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
