Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
