i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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