11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
