looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
