u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize