just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
