nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
