dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
