Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize