The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
