hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
