took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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